Who's There?

Ever wonder who's watching you? I really mean the question. I often wonder if someone is watching me walk down the street, driving my car, shopping, and such. It's not a self-centered thought by all means. It's more of a wonder if someone is watching me, people watching, I do enjoy the pass time myself.

We went hiking this past weekend at a near by park. The park is large, in fact it's the largest city park in the nation. As we were hiking through the depths of the lush woods I couldn't stop wondering if someone was watching us.

Last month I read a memoir, "My Abandonment". It's an intriguing read if you are inclined to get a different perspective of the homeless. It was sad in some parts of the story; but what kept me turning the pages was the simple survival the father and daughter took to be success with (or depending how you look at it - against) the societal standards of living. I was also caught up in the 'freedom' the daughter had living away from the chaos of living in the city.

We got off the fire road and hike the trails that are less travelled this time of year because of the 3" muck that is required to sporadically traverse through on these side but marked trails. As we hiked a long I was looking deep into the woods, the ferns, trees, and moss covered rocks for any evidence of "homes" build by the folks who choose to live in the park. All the knowing that I probably won't be able to spot one with my naked eye, let alone while I'm walking along a trail that required me to look down for sure footing. But I found the search exciting and bring back the read that I enjoyed so much.

And then there it was - for at least that what my imagination wanted to believe - bare foot prints in the mud. Chris saw them too. My practical side suggested that the imprint is probably from those new running shoes that are shaped like a bare foot. But you know by now I was going into the story and wondering if it was a teenager or adult foot print. When did they come onto the trail? Where were they going? Will I see them come up the trail? What would I do if I did? It was an exciting 10 minutes or so. I kept looking and looking for clues but knew that I probably wouldn't find much due to the weather and the precautionary measures the folks take to leave no trace.

And then this hike, this 120 minute experience, took me to myself. What do I do too escape the city chaos? Where is my freedom - and the obvious one that American have - but freedom from expectations i put upon myself that lead me to a stall because i don't know where to begin due to the vast of the task. Then i begun asking myself if I'm looking for an escape? Is that how I view the families in the park - escaping the chaos, system, responsibilities, self, etc. I do believe some of the folks in such the situation did not choose it but is surviving until they can turn 'it' around. But do they believe in the system that isn't always there for us. Pondering thoughts.

I'm listening to music while writing this and I would miss listening to music if my life turns to living in a park or streets.

I have shared with only a few folks in my life that I could trust and wouldn't laugh at me but understands my heart - I daydream how I would take in a homeless person to help and assist them with turning their life around. (not going to happen b/c it freaks my husband when i even 'chat' about it) one person at a time - but then my intuition asks me - how would you know who to trust, which person really wants the transformation and improve their life? volunteering is a good way to go with this idea - safer for me -

this is a rambling day for certain.

I am grateful for our little abode and how we gradually simplify our life to our day to day living. Less stuff - less to worry - less to handle physically and mentally - less clutter - more quality - more time - more room - more abundance - more freedom.

ah - freedom; the word freedom rose from thinking.  perhaps i will find it before i know it.

Namaste