"Dwelling in guilt is like living your life with an anchor tied to your ankles dragging you down."

No Kidding!!!  After reading this and the extending explanation of how we are conditioned to feel 'ok' with guilt, I reflected on how my day went.  I felt guilty thereby creating stagnation and a non-productive day.

I feel/felt guilty for what I ate, that I didn't exercise, that I didn't do yoga, that I haven't cleaned the house yet, that I didn't walk the dog, that I didn't ... hmmm I'm looking for more but is that really necessary.

So I now want to feel the opposition of that - guilt.  Perhaps acceptance that today was ok.  That today really needed to be a day of relaxation.  By golly the last three days were full days of packed activities.  So I don't clean up the house perfectly today - vacuuming is necessary as we have animals. Perhaps I'll treat my soul and get outside to mow the lawn.  That's physical activity and I'm productive and outside.  Yea - three birds with one stone.  Hmmph.

As much as I don't like that I ate a bit unhealthy today - I'm feeling uniquely fired up - it's coming from inside my soul.  I haven't recognized this before - though it may have always been there - but today I'm feeling it.  What is the direction; the meaning; - I suppose I should sit with it.  

 return; but did I ever leave. Everyday you are on my mind. Wondering how you are doing. Wondering what daily gems I am missing.

I was stuck for over two weeks. I had many excuses and each one failed. I fear of my truth. I'm scared to risk the feel "full love'. My head talks too much and too loud; I can't hear my heart. I was thinking too much and feeling too little. Today I feel the strong longing to my practice and 108 Day Pilgrim. I know this longing is not 'knowledge', this longing is love for myself. (uneasy)

I found comfort from a Tedx clip I viewed this morning (why we are not successful). And then a quote on a friend's FB page (... take off the masks ...). I can hear these - my heart opens.

Baby steps are challenging. I struggle with competing with myself ... If only I had ... (i repeated this to justify why I'm stuck). These words only do damage, they are not productive, they are stalemate words = keeps me stuck. And why does guilt have to surface. Uhg.

Moving forward ... I breath in deep love - and breath out what does not serve me. I move forward.
Much love to each of you - from my heart to yours. OM

passion vs interested - they are not the same thing!

stuck for over a week, many excuses, fears, guilt, ugh 

distracting myself with ‘chores’ better yet, let’s watch a few TEDx talks to motivate me.  the lest interested one spoke to my by surprise.  

what do I want … passion

but i make new excuses to fail.  I am afraid I’ll fail.  Logic tells me that failing is not possible when I follow my heart.  My heart is silent.  Or my mind is speaking louder than my heart that I cannot hear my heart.  

 maybe it’s because I feel guilty for falling off the schedule, and concern about anyone being disappointed in me.  I’m a grown woman and dislike that fine myself concern with disappointment.  Immature?  My fear had me.  I was thinking too much and feeling too little.  

And this ‘love thang’ is really really scary.  I long for it yet stop short from fully receiving.  Today I’m feeling it deep in my body, not just in my head like a piece of knowledge.  And I know this b/c my eyes tear up when I read on the Pilgrim FB the words I love you and now believe it.  I really believe it b/c I can now feel it. 

Trust or deep trust - scary stuff b/c of the risk but i’ll stay stuck if i don’t take the risk.  Then will my heart regret I didn’t take the risk?  

Unless … i pay attention to the signs … the tedx talk, the quote on fb, the day off to read and ‘feel’ posts by my sister’s of the pilgrim forum.  

baby steps are hard right now.  if only i had … There words hurt alot.  None productive - stale mate words - keep me stuck words - 

hear heart  just the difference of the letter t

I’m looking everywhere for reassurance but don’t find the conclusion to my search  

Let's find who I am

When we stop trying new approaches that are not true to who we are and look at what we already have; looking inwards in new ways; we come up with new views and beliefs of who we are truely.