return; but did I ever leave. Everyday you are on my mind. Wondering how you are doing. Wondering what daily gems I am missing.

I was stuck for over two weeks. I had many excuses and each one failed. I fear of my truth. I'm scared to risk the feel "full love'. My head talks too much and too loud; I can't hear my heart. I was thinking too much and feeling too little. Today I feel the strong longing to my practice and 108 Day Pilgrim. I know this longing is not 'knowledge', this longing is love for myself. (uneasy)

I found comfort from a Tedx clip I viewed this morning (why we are not successful). And then a quote on a friend's FB page (... take off the masks ...). I can hear these - my heart opens.

Baby steps are challenging. I struggle with competing with myself ... If only I had ... (i repeated this to justify why I'm stuck). These words only do damage, they are not productive, they are stalemate words = keeps me stuck. And why does guilt have to surface. Uhg.

Moving forward ... I breath in deep love - and breath out what does not serve me. I move forward.
Much love to each of you - from my heart to yours. OM

passion vs interested - they are not the same thing!

stuck for over a week, many excuses, fears, guilt, ugh 

distracting myself with ‘chores’ better yet, let’s watch a few TEDx talks to motivate me.  the lest interested one spoke to my by surprise.  

what do I want … passion

but i make new excuses to fail.  I am afraid I’ll fail.  Logic tells me that failing is not possible when I follow my heart.  My heart is silent.  Or my mind is speaking louder than my heart that I cannot hear my heart.  

 maybe it’s because I feel guilty for falling off the schedule, and concern about anyone being disappointed in me.  I’m a grown woman and dislike that fine myself concern with disappointment.  Immature?  My fear had me.  I was thinking too much and feeling too little.  

And this ‘love thang’ is really really scary.  I long for it yet stop short from fully receiving.  Today I’m feeling it deep in my body, not just in my head like a piece of knowledge.  And I know this b/c my eyes tear up when I read on the Pilgrim FB the words I love you and now believe it.  I really believe it b/c I can now feel it. 

Trust or deep trust - scary stuff b/c of the risk but i’ll stay stuck if i don’t take the risk.  Then will my heart regret I didn’t take the risk?  

Unless … i pay attention to the signs … the tedx talk, the quote on fb, the day off to read and ‘feel’ posts by my sister’s of the pilgrim forum.  

baby steps are hard right now.  if only i had … There words hurt alot.  None productive - stale mate words - keep me stuck words - 

hear heart  just the difference of the letter t

I’m looking everywhere for reassurance but don’t find the conclusion to my search