Monday, May 31, 2010

A reminder on "Fear"

after a bout with the love of my life, i escape to my laptop to research what is jivamukti yoga. i clicked on the focus of the month and viola ... the reminder to live with the power i already posses.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we . . . give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

~Namaste

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Has it really been that long

I mean really, almost three months since my last post. i am a product of my own enemy - avoidance. i will explain ... over my many years living on this lovely planet i've mastered well on the just getting by with doing the minimum of my own full ability. this understanding, this reflection just arrived to my forethought. helllo! well that just explains everything now, doesn't it. well, doesn't it?
nope!
and as a gal who prefers a quick answer and solution - i wish it did, but my true nature knows differently; as with most of us. anyhow, what is cool about this realization is when i felt stuck and admitted it to myself, i just thought a quick vision quest would resolve all my questions. again, denial that there is work to be done, and lots of it. and do i understand that i have more than just one year of self work ahead of me ... yep, it's my remaining life and i knew that on paper and would probably tell my friends and such, but for me - avoiding all that just pulled me away from the obvious work that needs to be done.

now that i know better, therefore it should be clear .... what? no?
i judge myself more than i realize. i am working on listening to my counter-intentions and how my subconscious judges me. the more i come to realize, listen, and reflect on these judgments and counter-intentions, the fog lifts, becoming thinner and thinner.

lifting these thoughts and beliefs allows the 'true work' to come through - that's is why it's called clarity. yeah babe.

so it may come to a surprise but i've allowed so much of society interfere with my happiness. ah, another surprise, eh? i was getting so engulfed with my exterior influences and and finding acceptance that i lost myself for a long time. hence the sense of feeling 'stuck' or bogged now with heaviness and uncertainty.

as the fog lifts i can see more clarity of my past, why it affected me the way it did and still does. i sit with it, learn to accept it, and then try to dissipate it, one by one; which isn't as easy as i wish.

and what i need to see now is i cannot make up the time 'felt lost' but work with what i have now, truly work with it. no more distractions from the work because i know that doesn't get me anywhere but stuck ... a little bit more empty inside that i know is best ... and gosh why not experience 'life' for the real stuff and not through distorted glasses.

enough said for now .... i'm going to take my emotionally quivering body and rest on this for a bit.