Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Seasonal Blues?

How do I know that what I know is really what I know?
I've been having some serious self doubt lately. I'm familiar with this sensation and have begun to recognize this is seasonal. Nonetheless, it's very real and I'm not enjoying it. However, I am trying a new approach. I am taking a risk and writing to a dear friend of mine. I am sharing the true colors that I am feeling, behaving, and believing. All the while understand (and learning to embrace) this is the process I must take. The good news I just now recognized is my loathing behavior that started about 90 minutes ago (that included some deep sobbing and feeling of shame) has lifted a bit. Wow. An improvement on some sense of covering. Goes to show when I meet it and accept it, it can move forward vs staying stag net.
The word 'Pleasure' has giving me some grief this week. It's a discomforting word to me at this time. Layers of guilt wraps itself around the word of pleasure making it difficult to see what is truly the possible experience.
More on this later. Off to hitting my mat and cushion.
Namaste!